“If I believe that only bad people are racist, I will feel hurt, offended, and shamed when an unaware racist assumption of mine is pointed out. If I instead believe that having racist assumptions is inevitable (but possible to change), I will feel gratitude when an unaware racist assumption is pointed out; now I am aware of and can change that assumption.” ― Robin DiAngelo, White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism
My 15-year-old son frequently mocks me for turning every situation into an opportunity for a racial or gender analysis. He has also stood in front of my bookshelf and said "Mom, anyone looking at this bookshelf would instantly know that you are a middle-aged white progressive woman." He once complained to me from the back seat of the car: "Mom, can we PLEASE talk about something besides Rape Culture?"
This isn't to say that I am the Woke-est woman in the world; in fact, it is the opposite. I am only recently able to absorb the fact that in many ways, when it comes to advancing equity and dismantling white supremacy, white progressive women are The Worst. From uneven (at best) inclusion of black and brown folks in the planning and implementation of the Women's March to the largest share of voters who helped get Trump elected, we white women have done harm, and we are remarkably adept at not seeing it.
So, my bookshelf is the result of a very late arrival to deeper self-awareness regarding my role in perpetuating white supremacy. Systems of oppression were not generally taught about when I was growing up, or if they were, they were framed as long ago and far away, and white people typically came out looking pretty good in the stories (Thanksgiving, for instance). I am trying to make up for lost time, reading, listening, learning, talking to my kids.
I make big mistakes with regularity. I've had to gain compassion for myself even as I push my comfort zone. Most of all, I have had to detach from my own fragility in a way that enables me to take in those mistakes and convert them into being better. I've been blessed with people along the road who have held me accountable, shared their perspective, and invited me to grow. It doesn't always feel like an invitation--which reminds me how accustomed I am to expecting my own comfort to be paramount.
I don't think there is an end to this quest to know, and be, better--but I have come to embrace the jarring recognition of my own missteps, the circular conversations I have in my head, and the moments of embarrassment that still feel shame-y (work in progress). White readers, join me, and we can know better, and do better, together.
Places to go to get started:
White Fragility--Robin DiAngelo https://www.biblio.com/search.php?author=&title=white+fragility&keyisbn=
Thirteenth--Ava Duvernay https://www.netflix.com/search?q=thirteenth&suggestionId=2991694_collection&jbv=80091741&jbp=0&jbr=0
All the Real Indians Died Off--Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz and Dina Gilio-Whitaker--https://www.biblio.com/search.php?author=&title=all+the+real+indians+died+off&keyisbn=
Homelands: Found Friends, Two Countries, and the Fate of the Great Mexican-American Migration --Alfredo Corchado https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36764624-homelands
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